RUINATION, AHOY!

To preface this post, I have found a few images from Google Image Search that were pulled up with the terms "ruin" and "ruination". Sadly, none of these accurately reflect what this post is about: The fact that their may be ruination of the academic variety ahead, in my future, the startlingly near future.













I missed my first class this morning because my alarm didn't go off. My computer is my alarm (Foobar2000 is set up to do this). I have learned from this mistake, and am now using my cell phone as a backup alarm. I had a chemistry quiz, which I thought I was going to fail miserably, but managed to answer every single question on it, so the results cannot be too terrible; in fact, they may even be good. Ruination is being staved nicely so far.

Oh, also aced my computer ethics quiz tonight. Boy, did I overprepare for that. 2 True / False questions. Lots of awesome people in that class, and but a single undesirable element, who is also highly entertaining. O, how it shall be.

Foobar2000 is so awesome that nothing else really matters. 

This is something I wrote a while ago

I was not entirely "myself" at the time of writing this, and it kind of rambles on. Oh well, maybe someone will get a kick out of it. I thought I'd put it up here before I deleted the text file from my PC. I like it better on the internet anyway.

These fucking people on BET are terrible. They're sucking the life out of the poor black religious community by putting these commercials on a blacks only channel. Yes, I said commercials, because that's what they are. This is not spiritual guidance. It's people with no talent, singing pied piper songs to the poor black rats of the communities to get them to throw their money at the television screen. The singers have no talent, as their God is the almighty dollar sign. This woman here is a piece of woman waste. She is money hungry, unable to sing, with an old face covered by makeup. I cannot believe someone would desecrate something that is sacred to so many by using it to sap and leech money from the underclassed, the former slaves? I hate these men. This man Pastor RObert Tilton, who is only reading passages from the bible that support his "give my 'church' money" mantra. They think they're giving these people help, but they're doing nothing. It disturbs me so bad that he can't go 3 minutes without mentioning "Go to the phones" and "give a donation." These are not "vows of faith" as mister tilton so crisply says. These are giveaways that reveal the ignorance of the american people and their love for "God". This makes me wonder, people say the bible is the best book there is. What if this is a good book, and a good guide to how to get rich quick? That's the way it seems. People need God. If you can sell them god with shitty pamphlets like "how to pay your bills supernaturally, you've done well. This is so disgusting. How can they say that "by making a vow to god and faithfully paying that vow, you will learn to combat poverty." That is a direct quote. If this message goes out to who it is intended to, these people will put their money into this "church" and it's money that could better be used to better their lives directly. How can he be telling these people to send the money in "today" with eyebrows raised, and then show him and his nasty singing bitch wife praying over some fake , obviously fake stock letters that are supposed to be all their "vows pf faith". This Robert Tilton is a terrible person, but he has a nice way of life set up here. One based on lying. I hope he doesn't believe in god. if he does, he surely knows that he's going to hell. This guy's formula is as follows: Take the bible's passages that talk about worship and praising and giving to the lord. Change the name of God to Robert Tilton, and you're all set.


el shaddai indeed.

The End

Day Can't Get Me Down

I woke up this afternoon at 4:45. I had class at 5pm, so this was not what I would consider a good thing. I grabbed a gatorate, put a meatball sandwich in the other hand, and walked outside. What happened when I got outside was unexpected: it was like a heatwave, mixed with a blizzard, mixed with torrential downpour - only the opposite of these things. It was the nicest day I had seen in a long time. At this point, I made a decision: I wasn't going to let today get me down. I ended up missing that class; I was 20 minutes late, and it wasn't in the class listed on my schedule, but that is ok. On the way back to my car from my failed attempt at attending the class, I growled "fuck." But that's as far as I'm letting it go. This day won't be getting me down.

I've been home for almost THREE HOURS

And I've spent the vast majority of this time organizing my music collection, and making sure I have album art for everything. I would say 95% of my albums have their art now, and the ones that don't are simply impossible to find.

Say, does anyone know of a program that will give me a nice looking html file if I tell it where to locate my music folders? I've tried finding one in the past, but I really don't know where to start.

I'm procrastinating.

At least I'm REALIZING it early, this time. I saw a funny name on soulseek.



"What Piracy?"

Reflection on the Weather and Involuntary Action

On days like today, I grit my teeth. Not necessarily because it is useful, but because it is usually necessary to keep my teeth from chattering. It is involuntary. This makes my usually sulky "walking face" into one that is little more than a grinning brown skull. My heart beats with increasing speed as I write this; such quickening is useless to me, simply a reaction to persons with faces long unvisited by my eyes. But, like the terrible grin I make in the damp cold, I have little choice but to go along with the flow. My mind cries no as my body stubbornly growls yes, and makes such things happen. So many things in life follow this same crooked antilogic.

I'm in a great mood so far; Don't fuck it up!

Do NOT ruin this mood. I'm in a pretty good mood so far, and it's just after 9am. I sense great things ahead. As I am in a great mood, I thought I would share a bit of my thoughts and things I am "up on" with the internet by medium of web log. Bloc Party is way cool, way cool, way cool. They have a new album called Silent Alarm, out today I think. There a few good songs from them to download free, legally, here. This morning I was coming home from class and I started to think that perhaps there are a lot more sermons on the radio these days, or maybe I'm just noticing them more. In either case, there seem to be more, and they are annoying me. The radio is worthless most of the time, which is why Scan is an awesome feature and no car radio is complete without it.

Oh yeah, I saw Sage Francis!

Twice, this weekend. We saw him in Philadelphia and followed him to Baltimore the next night. The Philadelphia show was ok, but I missed a great deal more than half of the performance on stage because of tall motherfuckers and loud motherfuckers. It became really annoying, especially when these drunk guys decided they wanted to crowd surf and be loud and terrible during a few spoken word pieces by Sage. I yelled at them. The last few minutes were great though. A ton of fools left before the encore, and I met Varick Pyr, who produced Bridle and is an internet celebrity.

The Baltimore show was a hell of a lot better. The crowd was friendlier, and far more receptive to the artists on stage. We got to talk to MC Squared for a few minutes, and he was quite cool. On the way home, I found myself wondering about life on other planets. I believe that there must be life on other planets, simply because there is life on this planet. As rare as it is that the right conditions for life were met here, the universe is vast enough for those conditions to be met somewhere else. It was believed that there was nothing on the other side of the Atlantic, but exploration proved that idea wrong.

Dreams and Sleeping

It occurred to me that people would be a lot more reluctant to sleep if dreaming wasn't as good as reality. When reality is really good or has the potential to be really good, sleep isn't that interesting. Also, when you are afraid of sleeping (rare, but possible because of recurring nightmares), consciousness seems a lot more desirable. Do not ask me to explain insomnia, because I have no real clue how that works. However, sleep kicks ass because it isn't reality and a dream is often a good thing. Sleep is an escape from a bland reality, a place where anything can happen. Who cares that it's all inside our heads? Had we never experienced consciousness at all, we would never know that it's all inside our heads, or even that we have heads in the real sense. The dream would be our reality.

Anyway, sleep is awesome. Like a bonus round. If I had more things in my life that were immediately interesting and seemed worth being conscious for, I would spend less time sleeping, I imagine. The body allows us to dream and keeps dreams awesome because sleep is totally important. It is a cookie manufactured by our body to coerce us into giving it what it needs.

This is a picture of me being gay. Thank you, Hello, Blogger, and Picasa for making this so simple. Thank you, Google.

A Good List Of Windows XP Tweaks

I'm doing some of these right now.

Beginners Guides: 99 Performance Tips for WindowsXP - PCStats.com

My eyebrows are thick and dark,

My mouth is full of venom
My body is covered in hair
And my heart is so empty, so very empty
That it is a vacuum
A vacuum that sucks at the hearts of others
And tries to consume their happiness
But it cannot ever be happy
Even so, it still tries to gain happiness from this cannibalism
Secretly it knows how futile it is

(That my friends, is how to properly write a gothic livejournal entry.)

So we have these Dare brand Maple Creme cookies. I ate two. Then I looked at the nutrition facts and saw that they have like 6% of the daily recommended saturated fat, and some other stuff. And then I saw that the serving size was ONE cookie, which as you can see, is not very big. Then I ate the one in my hand for good measure. Kind of delicious.

So You Want a Hard Drive in Your PS2?

EDIT 2-22-05: I helped a friend out with this and we successfully installed a 250 GB Maxtor drive in his PS2, the L01R250. Just so you all know, these work too. They are on sale this week (until February 26th) at CompUSA for 99.99 USD, which is 70 dollars less than their normal price. So if you have not done this yet and need a hell of a lot of space, I can recommend this.

Ok. Let's get down to business. Here's what you'll need:

• A Hard Drive! - Maxtor drives work the best. According to this chart, the Maxtor 6Y120P0 has had the highest success rate of all drives, and fits the easiest, et cetera. However, it will only hold 120 GB worth of games; most games are around 4 GB, so you'll be limited to around 30 Games for this drive. The earlier versions of the software needed to use the HD only support drives up to this size, but the newest releases can utilize drives that hold up to 200 GB. Only a regular IDE drive will work with the PS2. One can use another brand of drive, but then some tampering with the PS2 Network Adapter may be necessary. I went with the 6Y120P0 - bought it on eBay for $71.50 US including shipping. It fit perfectly, and has been hassle free so far (I've had this doohickey set up for about two weeks).

• PS2 Network Adapter - I have one of the old-school network adapters as can be seen in the picture. Unlike the new one, it has a jack for a modem line as well as ethernet You need the official kind that hooks onto the back of the PS2: This is the ONLY way you can install a hard drive to your PS2. Looks like they are less than $30 on eBay. I think they're around $40 new.

• Software to let you use the drive - Ok, this is pretty straightforward. You need a disc that you can use in the PS2 to let you load the games. This is something that needs to be purchased, unless your PS2 is already modded. But that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about a PS2 that is unmodded, and will remain as such, but will be able to play "backups." I bought a copy of HDAdvance 2.0 from Consolepoint - 30.59 shipped. No problems or complaints whatsoever about the product or the retailer.

• WinHIIP - Use Google to search for and download this program. Please do not tell me this is a difficult task. You will want this program if you are transferring backup images from your PC to the PS2.

• USB Hard Drive Enclosure - I got a cheap but functional one from newegg.com (link to product). $29.99 with free shipping! You will want this if you are transferring backup images from your PC to the PS2.

• PS2 - Ok yeah this won't work with the PSTwo. Sorry.
  

Ok, so let's see: $71.50 for the HD, $30 for the PS2 Adapter, $30.59 for the HD Advance 2.0 Software, and 29.99 for the HD Enclosure. That's $162.08, for those of you counting. Now that you have purchased everything you need and it's all shipped and everything and out of boxes and shit, let's get to work.

• This is what your PS2 should look like from the front. If it's not looking like this, you have a problem that I must not be able to help with. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 Dollars. Sorry.

• Your new Maxtor Drive.

• A good look at business end of the network adapter. You can clearly see where the IDE and power cable from the hard drive will go (lower right and lower left sockets, respectively).
  

• All of our friends together.
  

• If you purchased a Maxtor drive as recommended, your Network adapter and drive should slide together very easily, as pictured above. See how comfortable that looks?

• Slide the Adapter coupled with the HD into the PS2 as shown...and then secure it with the screws.

Ok, so that's about it if you're just backing up games to the PS2 HD. Just pop in a game, choose "convert" and wait for it to finish transferring to the disc. This will not work for dual layer games I hear. You need to first back up the image to your computer, then use another program to send that image to the PS2 Hard Drive. And this is one of the reasons one would use the HD Enclosure and WinHIIP program. Let's go over that now.

• This is the enclosure when it's all closed up. It looks decent, but this sort of case is made for a drive that will be staying in the case all the time. Our drive will be in the case for only a few minutes, while data is being transferred to it from the PC. Therefore, it's more efficient to open it up and have it be ugly, like this:
  

Yup.

• This is the drive working hard and being awesome and picking up hot hot games.

So now that our drive is connected to the PC, let's go through the WinHIIP motions:

• Open WinHIIP
  
  

• Select the PS2 Drive
  
  

• Click "Add Image(s)"
  
  

• Find the image file you're looking for...
  
  

• Click Start...
  
  

• Enter the name of the game
  
  

• The game will begin transferring to the PS2 HD
  
  

Once you've transferred the game(s), you can just plug the HD back into the PS2 and load it up.

Have fun.

Sleep should be bullshit

I do not have time to sleep. I wish I could eliminate the need for sleep. 1/3 of a day is generally devoted to rest. That is a lot of time that could be used doing other stuff. Alas, sleep is necessary. Tonight, I will try to cheat this though.

Dearest Caffeine: Be Mine.

I am pretty fucking hip

I just wanted to make a post about what it's like to be hip, and how I feel about being hip. I feel I am hipper than a large percentage of people in my age group (probably more than half), as I know about things in the music, film, and technology world before they go to the fucking dogs. That's right, I said it. I feel I am hipper than most people my age and it seriously annoys me when something that I consider awesome and to be rather exclusive goes on to impress the lowest common denominator. I hate to lose cool music and movies to idiots, because that makes me feel as though they are less cool. I am glad however, that I was able to absorb whatever goodness was exuded by such things long before the others caught on. I love being hip (Or hep if you prefer. I like hep. I'll start using that word, because it's basically out of use. This in itself is hip [hep].). I love my hep friends, we are pretty damn hep together and we talk about hep things and stuff. I do not dress hep however. I am not keen on fashion, and I feel like I am behind, or actually adjacent to the curve in the fashion respect (I do not generally wear what is cool to most people; fuck a doo rag and long white tees), but that does not bother me. I am comfortable in my elitism. I am glad that I am not too elite to enjoy some things, but elite enough to discover things before they start to suck. And believe me, when undesirable people discover things that were once cool, they really do begin to suck.



Oh Lord, I am such an asshole.

This is what my shit is all about right now:

• Cold Coffee
• Warm Pizza
• Working too many late hours
• Not having enough time to study
• Not having enough free time
• Not having enough time for a regular 8 hour night of sleep
  
• Conversations that leave me feeling broken
• I am the weakest bitch in the history of the world

Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

Thanks, Useff

Useff found this link which confirms something I've known since I was a young child: I'm allergic to all kinds of good natural foods. It's actually kind of depressing to see it in print, but it's good to see that there's an actual list of things that I should not eat, and that I'm not the only one experiencing this. It really does suck not being able to eat apples, pears, lots of nuts, cherries, carrots, et cetera, though.

I missed math class today

It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it is ruining my day.

Whatever, this is all bullshit anyway.

Simplicity and complexity are the two most important elements in creative expression. In the right conditions, one could see the simplicity in complex work, and complexity in the most basic building block of man's World, from a simple line drawing or the arithmetic equation 1 + 1 = 2 or x = x, to the new frontiers of automatic, genetic code mapping, cell regeneration and yet deeper space exploration. One must see that in nature, the complex is simple (Or can be made simple). Because in my just realizing that it works and exists in real time. The simple can be made complex by taking mathematics and other sciences that are assumed to be true, and explaining in graphic unmitigated details as to why complexities are simple, just by their truth. Truth = 1, so the fact that something is visible and is THERE is what makes it true or if you prefer, real. For purposes such as ours in this four dimentional world, this math is fine, but the very theorems and in fact proofs which we get from our math and science concentrations suggest that there is something higher that exists or cannot be seen in this three dimensional world. One would only need to reference the idea of ripping into a piece of paper that two dimensional entities live on (They exist in two dimensions and live in 3, as I am about to prove) - the two dimensional entities would see or experience a tear in the very fabric of their world. Can you imagine a tear in this fabric, as though something was busting through as easily as we would tear a piece of paper?

So, I just cancelled my "Great Fun Online" Membership

Wow that was a great online fun riot rocket blast! My whole reason for signing up in the first place was because I got paid $20 to do a referral for someone's free Mac Mini offer. So anyway, the dude's referral went through and everything, and I got paid, so I called and cancelled on the greatfunonline.com offer. The dude who answered the phone sounded really ignorant, shady, and southern. He was saying all kinds of shit to me trying to get me to keep the $1.00 trial membership that is good until March 23, like "hey you know you qualify for a 10, 20, 40, and 100 dollar coupon, 50% off at your favorite restaurants 100,000 worth of micro machines, gay porn weapons of mass destruction goat milk chance to be in your own movie chance to be in someone else's movie chance to be elected president of the united states" and so on. The guy kept going and going, and I had to stop him in the middle of all this fucking jive, and say "No man, that's ok. I just want to cancel this." Then he gives me some weird ass code for my records to verify the cancellation. I thought that was rather strange, that they would give me a weird seven-digit alpha numeric code, for "my records." That's some pretty shady shit. Anyway, the membership is cancelled.






I hope.

Too many devices wtf 

The Math Exam

I passed. I got a 'C' even, which is very reassuring. As I hoped, I did not fail. I lost a lot of points on stupid things that I could have corrected if I paid more attention. Still, this gives me hope for the future.

What I've learned in M210

• Numbers are awesome. Integers are way more awesome than other rational numbers, as far as I can tell.
• I suck pretty bad at writing proofs, but a well written proof is a beautiful thing to read. I enjoy reading proofs, and I get satisfaction from writing them when I actually can.
• Math is not so hard if you have the proper foundations. Me, I did not have the proper foundations, and as such I am more prone to getting lost or getting stuck on steps. These foundations allow one to break the math down into smaller more managable sub-steps that can generally be done using the more basic knowledge. Everything in math should be broken down into the smallest possible step, which will then use a higher level skill to get to the next part, which will then use a higher level skill. When I pick up pieces of the foundation I should have had, though, one or more mathematical doors is unlocked to me.
  

Garbage Men

I was driving home, and I saw some garbage men doing their garbage collection thing. The first thing I thought was, "Those poor snowmen!" In reference to the garbage men. Isn't that weird?

On Videogames and Aging

I'm getting older, hairier, and soon enough I'll be getting uglier. Ugly is the new beautiful. Well, not really, but to some it may seem that way. I think it would be cool to see that happen for a day. Physical attraction is not just purely biological anyway. It is largely culturally constructed. Today I ordered a Hard Drive for my PS2, and the software that will allow me to use it. I plan on posting a step-by-step guide to the entire process once everything arrives here at my house. I'm quite excited about this.

:::::

I am a man who tries to keep his spoon in many bowls.

Discrete Mathematics Midterm

I think I did pretty fucking well, which is a surprise. It was really refreshing going into an exam, especially a math exam, and feeling like I could solve all the problems given enough time. I finished about 15 minutes before the class was over, too. I just hope I did as well as I imagine I did. The last time I thought I did well on a math exam I bombed it really hard. I'll post results when I get them, no matter what.

Dreams

Lately, my dreams have been very vivid and long, to the point where I can recount some specific details about them, and they are all continuous. Before this, all my dreams were pretty disjointed - like different scenes from different films, and I couldn't remember them at all usually.

Ughbitching

Discrete Mathematics - Winter Session at the University of Delaware: Where missing one class (or being laughably tardy, like me today if I even make it there) can cost you half a chapter of lecture notes.

HEY HOW ABOUT YOU GO SUCK A DONG 

? <3 Blogger Google Picasa Hello 

ARE YOU MAD AT ME FOR SOME RAISIN?

The Cos'

Ok, so I'm going to see Sage Francis TWICE in February! It will be fantastic.

New Desktop Picture, some other random pictures. Testing new version of Picasa~

Cleanliness and Mood

There has to be some sort of direct connection between the two. I'd like to search for some sort of study connecting hygiene to mood. I guess it would all be dependant on the person though, because some people seem to be happier when dirty (inverse relation)

A work of art

You seem like you would be fun to fuck, but we have nothing in common.



So let us fuck.

I've had this headache

For the last few hours, and it's totally preventing me from doing anything productive. Productivity has never really been one of my strongpoints, but this is making it even worse than usual.

CUSTOMIZATIONS NEED TO BE MADE

STAT

Ok, Different:

I changed things. All I did was use one of the pre-created templates. I was tired of the way it looked, and do not yet have the drive to recreate it the way it was. Not that anyone reads this any more, but if you'd like to use my old template, just email me.


I'm listening to "Truancy". One of my favorite songs. Quite possibly my favorite song from Fantastic Damage.


Now, an observation that I wrote on a scrap of paper a few days ago:
As human beings, many of us take any coincidence between the passions of ourselves and another human being to be divine; as reasons why we have to spend time with the aforementioned person, no matter how little we may actually have in common. I believe this is a mistake on the part of mankind in general, in this culture at least.

Hey

I plan on changing the layout soon.

The more I listen to Elliott Smith,

The sadder and sadder I get that he is gone. I know it's a little late to be lamenting, but it's just tragic.

2:45 am
i'm going out sleepwalking
where mute memories start talking
the boss that couldn't help but hurt you
and the pretty thing he made desert you
i'm going out now like a baby
a naïve unsatisfiable baby
grabbing onto whatever's around
for the soaring high or the crushing down
with hidden cracks that don't show
but that constantly just grow
i'm looking for the man that attacked me
while everybody was laughing at me
you beat it in me that part of you
but i'm gonna split us back in two
tired of living in a cloud
if you're gonna say shit now you'll do it out loud
it's 2:45 in the morning
and i'm putting myself on warning
for waking up in an unknown place
with a recollection you've half erased
looking for somebody's arms to
wave away past harms
i'm walking out on center circle
the both of you can just fade to black
i'm walking out on center circle
been pushed away and i'll never go back

Hi Again

I want to speak words so powerful that they have physical form. You know, the kind of thing where you can say something and perhaps see the words form in the air, or speak something so negative that the breath you exhale as you say it is a small black hole. That sort of business.

How can I be God if I don't even believe in myself?

Pigs

If you show me your heart, I'll show you mine



Man is God





I am so utterly tired of not living like I'm God

This is the first day of my life

Thank you, everyone.

I almost didn't make it
This has been my hardest year

Hi

I think I'm almost there. I really really do. I have some cool new links and things that I think everyone should see. I'm not really in the mood for directing traffic to anyone else's site right now, but if you want to check out what I read, the sites I visit, the things I do when I'm online, I suggest you navigate to del.icio.us/nchase. If you don't already know about del.icio.us, it's a very cool social bookmarking site. I suggest that everyone start using it, and we can share bookmarks and stuff, and it will be fun in many ways.

Delicious!

del.icio.us


I know I must have mentioned this before. I've been using this service for a long time, but I haven't really been using it actively until the last few days. Social bookmarking is awesome. Check it out. You can find me at http://del.icio.us/nchase

A great article

That counters the absolutely idiotic flamefest at Slashdot. Steam is good. Steam works. Steam Steam lol.

Metal Gear Solid 3 at Penny Arcade

I don't necessarily agree with everything in this review, as I adore the MGS series, but I found this article to be highly entertaining. I haven't picked this game up yet due to lack of money and general lack of life in my bones. Fuck you.

We were listening to a codec conversation yesterday that was so long, so God damned long, that the entire Earth was destroyed, remade, and our species achieved a level of development commensurate with what had risen before.

I will try to sum up what is going on and going through my head in single words.

paper
music
blame
program
hate
love
empty
eye
smoke
smith
officer
tired
malice
regret

(The preceding are in no particular order)

You dis my dog, you fluff my hog

I said that if you speak against Weldon then you are about to enter a world where the only activity that exists is tasting my hog

New Nas

I just started listening to the advance leak of this album, "Street's Disciple." So far, one track stands out a lot as being very good and true: Coon Picnic. I encourage everyone to listen to this song and realize that so many of the black personalities we see on TV (Especially BET and UPN. Fuck those channels!) are nothing more than minstrels and they really make blacks look terrible. Not only that, but young blacks see these characters (I emphasize "characters") on TV and think that it's cool and acceptable to act that way. This perpetuates a lot of the ignorant behavior that young black people engage in today. So we have other races watching these channels and believing that that's all we're about, and impressionable black minds watching this garbage and being influenced by it, and SHOWING everyone that that's all we're about. It's all very fucked up, and if you don't believe it's true, try catching some of the quality programming on those channels. I was not aware that my life was supposed to be entirely comprised of acting the fool, fucking, and thugging. I'm going to add a link at the bottom of this post, because I think this is an important message that needs to get out, and music is a good medium for any message. I'll take the link down in a week or so, I think.


Nas - Coon Picnic (These Are Our Heroes)

Hi, I took the files off my UD webspace because there simply wasn't enough space for me to do my work and have the file available there. Now it's on yousendit.com and um, there are only a few downloads available. Please comment if you need me to re-up it.

Is this a joke?

Bright Eyes scores #1 single!

This is SO unlikely. I'm beyond shocked, if this is real, which it seems to be...

Complex!

Life is very complex. I wonder, I wonder if it will ever become a little more routine. And if it does, will I enjoy it. I like the complexities in life, but I wish I knew more. Sometimes I wish I could wake up and find everything to be different. I realize it's in my power to do this, but it's hard to break away from some things...
Yeah , what I want right now isn't complete and total change but I'd like to see what life would be like for me if I hadn't lived it exactly the same way up to this point in time. Had I done things a little bit differently, would they turn out this way? There's no real way to know, but I can try to simulate these different possibilities for the present. I'd like to do that sometimes, I really would. I think that may be the path to finding happiness. I have yet to really feel like I've found my "niche", you know? The place where I belong , and the thing that I can do for all time as an occupation that will also give me relative happiness. It will be nice to be happy about the work I'm doing. If I can be happy about working (which allows me to be happy in other ways like being able to have nice surroundings/habitat, and buying my loved ones nice things), then I'll have a large part of the puzzle figured out.

Mysteries of Life

In life, there are some things that are discretely good and discretely bad. Examples of good things: a meal, success. Examples of bad things: rape, murder self destruction.

Those are quite clear.

What I am curious about is the things that are in the middle and are not necessarily good or bad. Those things compose most of the world. Also, are there more obviously bad things than obviously good things in this world? Is it easier to spot something harmful than something helpful? I think so. I wish I had a better grasp on what was "good" for me so that I would know what I should or shouldn't be doing. Not everyone is the same, and not everyone can follow the same set of rules.

What I've been up to:

Some studying and working for school; not too much, maybe not enough.
Lots of reading of articles and information on the internet.
Some automation of my Everquest playing, which frees me up for other things.
Some exploration of my mind through various outlets, one of them being sleep. Lots of sleep going on here.
Some general exercise so as to keep me from falling into to deep a depression.
Lots of listening to music on my computer and general fooling around and toying with programs and just having a grand old time with my computer. I love computers, <3 gadgets.

The new Sage Francis LP was released on the internet and it's very very very good. For those of you who enjoyed Personal Journals, I recommend it. I enjoyed "Hope" , his LP that was produced exclusively by fellow Rhode Island-ian Joe Beats. But this is nothing like hope. Good old, emotional, crazy Sage Francis. I'll buy this when it comes out, for sure.

Having a good old time listening to some good new shit: Part 2 of 2

Having a good old time listening to some good new shit: Part 1 of 2

Indigestion.

O, Gods. My stomach is slain!

Jazz Music:

Often times, listening to Jazz music makes me feel like I'm in a movie. Some songs just reek of resolution and different events and stuff. Ahh, so good.

Pictures of my left arm. Why not? (3 of whatever)

Pictures of my left arm. Why not? (2 of whatever)

Pictures of my left arm. Why not? (1 of whatever)

Looks like it's gonna be a great day today.

This tastes terrible.

Weird scratch on my face from last night

I don't know how it got there but at least I didn't mess with cocaine. What?

We must fuck up the restaurant in order to get a picture of Steven Tyler, because:

He is important and famous. Most importantly though, he is the best looking skeleton on the planet.

Life:

Google defines it as "the experience of living; the course of human events and activities" among other things.
I currently define it as "a vast collection of misunderstandings, misconceptions, and miscommunications set to music" this is all just crazy and there's no way to figure it out completely. The misunderstanding part is usually illustrated very well. Misunderstandings are everywhere. Right now, I can think of some big ones as recent as 24 hours ago. As it is not possible to figure out such a complex but wholly necessary demon (life is necessary for life, believe it or not), the best I can do is try to make it as good as possible: for me. I have to make things good for me, and me alone. Martyrdom may get a person into history, but will that person have lived a fulfilling life? No. I don't want to be a martyr. I want to live "the good life" , like the one Rivers Cuomo sings about. Maybe then I'll have freedom from slight, but very real neuroses. Neuroses is a good word, but apparently it's not used any more.

An interesting tidbit about clowns.

I never knew clown culture was so deep:

Code of non-infringement

Wikipedia is so awesome.

Just some things to say.

It's been almost two weeks since my last post. For that, I am sincerely sorry. Of course I have a good reason for not posting - I've been extremely busy with school and stuff. Right now, life is just like a whirlwind of misunderstandings. I strongly believe that any person who has a life in which they regularly interact with many a variety of people on a personal level lives a somewhat chaotic life that would make an excellent movie or book. One does not need to have a life filled with sex drugs and violence to entertain others. One only needs others, because it's quite obvious that other people complicate life very much. On the other hand, people are just so damned fun. I love people. I myself am stuck doing what I am known best for - waiting until the last minute to do something important. I always tell myself to change and get into better habits - I have gotten into a few habits that were better than habits I have had in the past, but for the most part I am not so good at the "follow-through" part of the deal. I don't follow through well. Often times I don't even attempt the follow-through, as I assume I can get by the way things are. I am the ultimate example of the high level of entertainment that people provide. Everything we do is just so damned funny if you're looking at it from the outside. Take one scene out of your life or anyone elses at any time of day and just break it down and continue breaking it down until you can see the humor. There is much humor in everything, when you get down to the causes of doing certain tasks or trying to achieve goals. There is also humor in the effects of said causes. Maybe I'll get into this in greater details in the next few days when I have more time. Sometimes I have issues seeing the reason for anything I do. I ought to try to remember to look at things from the perspective of someone outside of our culture or perhaps our species whenever I feel this way. It may help. Good things come to those who are capable of seeing good.

This is the best subject in any spam email I've gotten, ever.

chain saw bubble baths near 87

Listen, people:

I know a few people must actually read this site, if only accidentally. What you need to know is that I'm giving out Gmail invites without asking any questions, really. Google recently added some new features to Gmail , and they are cool. They include forwarding your Gmail mail to another mail account. Just drop me a line, damn. It's a gigabyte of mail storage, for free, from Google, so it's good.

Phone Drivin', 2 of 2

Phone Drivin', 1 of 2

Useff made this for me

Phone Camera: My Bag

Phone Camera: Zach